Self-care for caregivers: practical tips that aren’t (just) about bubble baths

Christina Kozik:

Hello and welcome to Just Needs a podcast where we talk about parenting children with disabilities. I’m your host, Christina Kozik. I too am a parent of a child with a disability, and let me just say, I’m so glad you’re here. 

 

This podcast is a project of Exceptional Lives, a nonprofit organization that supports families like yours. You can learn more about Exceptional Lives at our website, www.exceptionallives.org.

 

It’s May, so that means it’s Mental Health Month. 

 

This week I want to talk about self-care for caregivers. Now, wait, don’t skip this episode. 

 

I know we hear all about self-care and how we should be doing it because we need to reset and recharge ourselves, but how? How can we practice self-care when we have to care for others? How does self-care become a meaningful practice and not just one more thing on your to-do list? 

 

Well, it starts with our approach to self-care. Self-care isn’t always about bubble baths or journaling in its most basic form. 

 

Self-care is about taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve your physical and mental health.

 

Let me start with a very common phrase that we hear a lot. Self-care isn’t selfish. I know we hear this all the time, but it really is true. We often think of self-care as a luxury instead of a need. 

 

This is especially true when we think about self-care as pampering, but when we are caring for a child or children with disabilities, it can make self-care that much harder because there are so many other demands that are already on us. 

 

Self-care is something that we should be doing daily and not just when we’ve reached a point of burnout. When we take care of ourselves, we are better able to care for those around us. 

 

Let me say that one more time. When we care for ourselves, we are better able to care for those around us.

 

I want to let you in on something I recently learned. Things that we are already doing every day can be self-care if we add a bit of intention to it. 

 

For example, while brushing my teeth in the morning, I have a short list of mantras that I read until I’m done. The mantras are usually things like, this is hard and I’m doing great, or I am loved, I am safe, I am calm. Or my favorite, I do enough. I am enough. I read these mantras over and over instead of mentally going through the day schedule, which can sometimes cause stress or anxiety.

 

Now, I’d like to take you through five areas of self-care and give you some examples of what you could be doing that is already self-care in those areas.

 

The first area is physical. 

 

We all know we should be getting a full night of restful sleep and drinking plenty of water daily, but we also know that when you’re traveling from therapy appointment to therapy appointment all day, drinking plenty of water may not be something we can do. So what does your physical self-care look like then? 

 

• It can be as simple as taking deep calming breaths while washing your face in the morning. 

 

• It can be sitting down for five minutes and drinking your cup of coffee while it’s still hot. 

 

• Maybe even putting your phone down while you’re drinking it and listening to what you hear around you. 

 

• It could be walking around the parking lot while your child is in a therapy session. 

 

Physical self-care doesn’t need to be going to the gym for an hour or getting a facial at a spa. Putting the intention and focus on yourself while you’re doing daily tasks can be self-care.

 

The second area of self-care is mental. 

 

Mental self-care can be anything that allows you to declutter your mind, reduce mental stress, or stimulate your mind. Now, this one seems really hard when you think about all the things you may have going on. You may even be thinking, my brain is stimulated enough, but again, what are you already doing that can be self-care? 

 

For me, I use a Color by Number app on my phone. Since the colors are already there, I don’t have to think about it. I just tap, tap, tap and make a picture. I use it throughout the day when I need a brain break from work or maybe after a long discussion with my eight-year old about Minecraft. 

 

Maybe you enjoy doing puzzles or word searches. You could even grab that discarded coloring book that your kiddo just had to have and color in it. 

 

No matter what it might be. It’s good for you to take five to 10 minutes a day, a few times throughout the day, and give your brain a break. And don’t feel guilty about it.

 

The third self-care area is emotional. 

 

Emotional self-care is about listening to and understanding your inner emotions. Your emotional wellbeing is important to your overall health. 

 

I’ll be honest though, this is the one area I struggle with a lot. Some days, I don’t want to feel the hurt that I feel when a program coordinator has to call me to tell me that they can’t accommodate my son at sleepaway camp. 

 

Some days I don’t want to feel the anger I feel when trying to get an appointment scheduled, but I have to call yet another department for a pre-approval. 

 

Emotions are hard and some days I just can’t. But here’s two ways that I practice emotional self-care.

 

• One, is I try to self-regulate with various techniques throughout the day when I find myself getting anxious or overwhelmed or upset. I won’t go into too much detail here, but I did an episode on self-regulation a while back. I’ll add that link in the show note so you could check it out.

 

• Second, I schedule phone calls with my best friend at least once a week. This is in addition to the constant texting and meme sharing we do all day long. We talk about all the things. Sometimes I dominate the conversation and she listens, and sometimes she talks and I listen. 

 

Do you have a friend that you talk to or text daily? 

Do you journal or write what you’re grateful for in your planner? 

Do you use white noise or nature sounds to relax? 

 

These are all ways that you are doing emotional self-care. Think about it. What are you doing already that you can expand on to help you take care of your emotional self?

 

The fourth area of self-care is relational self-care. 

 

This may be anything that you’re doing to improve the quality of the relationships around you. 

 

Now, as parents and caregivers of children with disabilities, it can seem like we’re alone, dealing with our families and our lives by our self. But how many times have you reached out to a friend to offer support or information based on a social media post you saw? What about that time you sent a card or a gift to a therapist or a teacher just because?

 

What about doing something fun with your child like playing a card game or building Legos? Sometimes when I feel tapped out by managing my kids’ needs, I forget to just hang out and enjoy them, but when I do, I always feel better.

 

One thing my husband and I do is actively listen to each other when the other talks about work. Most of the time I don’t understand the technical or mechanical stuff that he’s talking about. And he’ll tell you, he still doesn’t fully understand what I do for work. 

What I do know is that we feel better after the conversation and enjoy being a sounding board for each other. 

 

These are just some ways that you are improving your relationships, and those interactions have an effect on you and your well-being and the well-being of others.

 

The last area of self-care is spiritual. 

This area focuses on anything that you may be doing that gets you in tune with your beliefs or your values. 

How often does getting the family ready for church or temple feel like a chaotic mad dash to get out of the house and into a seat? Try taking time in the car on the drive there to breathe and focus on where and why you’re going to the service. 

 

I struggle with meditation, so I don’t force myself to do it. Instead, I listen to inspirational or religious podcasts while I’m doing dishes or running errands. 

 

• You can listen to an audiobook or a podcast while driving between appointments.

 

• You can do a deep breathing app while you’re sitting outside at a therapy office.

 

• Also, volunteering and doing something nice for friends or neighbors is a great form of self-care for a lot of people.

 

Again, putting the intention and the focus on yourself while you’re doing daily tasks can be and is self-care. 

 

Friends, at the end of the day, my hope is that you find ways to incorporate self-care into your daily routine as a way to take care of yourself and not as a chore.

 

Self-care is ever-changing for all of us. Sometimes it’ll be easy to do. Other times we really need to focus and work on it. 

 

Either way, I want you to be the most present, positive, caring, and attentive person that you can be. I want you to be that person for those around you, but more importantly, I want you to be that person for you.

 

As always, I hope you found the information in this podcast helpful. If you have any self-care suggestions or thoughts on this podcast, please let me know by sending me an email at info@exceptionallives.org or on Facebook and Instagram. If you know someone who could benefit from this podcast, please share it with them. 

 

This podcast was written and presented by me, Christina Kozik, for Exceptional Lives. You can subscribe and follow the podcast at our website, www.exceptionallives.org/justneedspodcast. 

 

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